Hitting Barack Bottom

I think I'm there. I have needed a couple days to get some clarity on my thoughts and impressions regarding the election of Barack Obama as the next President of the U.S. My first feelings were a very deep sadness, almost a mourning. It has taken me the last couple of days to walk out of the darkness that I felt I was in. I could not talk about it, and only made a few brief comments to people who directly asked me. It really was a genuine sense of grief. Discerning what loss I was actually mourning is what took time, and I'm not sure even now I can articulate it.

In many ways I felt like I was living in an alternate universe. Watching the cheering and crying and screaming from those celebrating the election results was confusing to me. I felt like something happened that I could not understand. And in many ways, that is exactly what happened. It was a universe I had never lived in -- the African American world. Yes, there were many Whites that voted for Obama, but this election meant something completely different for Black Americans. And this is what I could not relate to, but can be proud of with, and for, them. The fact that a Black man was elected POTUS is a great thing - honestly. A mile-marker in our nation's history has been crossed; a wonderful moment to cheer.

But I was so overwhelmed with grief because a Liberal was elected, so much so that it made it impossible for me to celebrate this historic election beyond a simple acknowledgment that it was a good thing.

I would call myself a political junkie, a presidential buff. During the primaries I was addicted up until the time John McCain was determined to be the Republican nominee. At that point, I just had to step away and let my disappointment settle for a bit. I eventually got back into the swing of things by the time the Democratic nominee was clear, and have been so up until the election. But, I think the results of this election have caused me to hit bottom.

At this point, this may be exactly what I needed to get my focus back on the important things, the eternal things. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom for addicts to seek help and to start climbing out of the habits and patterns of self-destruction they fell into, many times without noticing how far they have sunk. This might be a little dramatic, but you get my point.

The election of Obama has been a profound, and maybe even permanent, reminder that my citizenship is in Heaven first and foremost. I am an American, and very proud of it. But regardless of who is president, God is still in control. I do not have to fear anything. Whatever the condition of our economy, our unemployment rates, our world reputation, our military mistakes, etc., God has written every day of my life in His book before one of them came to be.

I am glad we elected a Black president. I am sad we elected a Liberal one. And at this point, my sadness far exceeds my gladness. In time I might be able to balance out these competing emotions. But for now I just have to walk away from politics at this level. I have thought of getting involved in politics personally. And maybe my personal participation in the process of governing my society at some degree will be a healthy distraction from things at the national level. I'll keep you posted.