Translating "Girl" into "English"

As a public service to my readers (my male readers....I suppose my female readers too) I'm including the following translator.

She says                               English 
---------                              ------- 
We need                                I want
It's your decision                     The correct decision should be
                                         obvious by now
Do what you want                       You'll pay for this later 
We need to talk                        I need to complain 
Sure...go ahead                        I don't want you to.
I'm not upset                          Of course I'm upset, you moron. 
You're...so manly                      You need a shave and you sweat
                                         a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight.    Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional!  And I'm not        I have PMS.
  overreacting!
Be romantic, turn out the lights.      I have flabby thighs. 
This kitchen is so inconvenient.       I want a new house.
I want new curtains                    and carpeting, furniture, wallpaper...
Hang the picture there                 No, I mean hang it there! 
I heard a noise                        I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me?                        I'm going to ask for something
                                         expensive.
How much do you love me?               I did something today you're
                                         really not going to like...
I'll be ready in a minute.             Kick off your shoes and find a
                                         good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat?                        Tell me I'm beautiful. 
You have to learn to communicate.      Just agree with me. 
Are you listening to me!?              [Too late, your dead.] 
Yes                                    No
No                                     No 
Maybe                                  No
I'm sorry.                             You'll be sorry.
Do you like this recipe?               It's easy to fix, so you'd
                                         better get get used to it.
I'm not yelling!                       Yes I am yelling because I
                                         think this is important.
  
In answer to the question "What's wrong?"
  
The same old thing.                    Nothing. 
Nothing.                               Everything.
Everything.                            My "female-issues" are acting up.
Nothing, really.                       It's just that you're such a jerk.
I don't want to talk about it.         Go away, I'm still building up
                                         evidence against you.