Waiting......

I'm actually at the hospital right now waiting on one of my staff to come out of surgery.  It's actually the staff who escaped out the window with me yesterday.  She's having a biopsy done on her brain and she's losing her vision and the complications could rob her of her sight and make her permanently blind.  I'm sitting in the waiting room, right now at some damned table that bounces if you jostle it and dumps my cocoa all over the place on the slightest nudge. 

She could go blind.  I don't know that she will.  She's one of the, if not THE, most loyal employees there is who's given so much time to our company.  She's freed me up so many times and covered for me.  It's horrible that none of her family even called to see if she was okay, and she could be permanently blind in a half hour, and I can't as a supervisor ever even begin to think of just saying "tough luck, life sucks, better luck in the next one!" after all the things we've been through.

Watching her be wheeled away and the look in her eyes was just horrible to see someone so panicked realizing they may never see again......trying to take one last look at things in case its all gone in a moment.....

I know this is a "live" blog entry, time will tell what will happen, but sometimes life just doesn't seem fair.  I know this.  I saw tyranny when I was in the military....

I really do try to "be there" for my employees, but for all their hard work, I just feel like I can't give enough.  I don't ever want to be the "jerk boss" and I work so hard to treat them the way I wanted to be treated when I was on the bottom.  One of the most touching things I've gotten as an employee was when my wife was nearly killed in a car wreck and my boss sent flowers to our home.....

One of my staff had a miscarriage this week and still came to work, I'm having flowers sent to her home today, and in holding my staff's hand while she goes under and nobody else showed up......

It's a hard day....I hope things go well.....For all I've been through and seen, I would think I would grow numb....perhaps we should be grateful that we get to feel at all.....