Splinters! (PG13)

A woman from Los Angeles , CA who was a tree hugger, a democrat, and an
anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland, near Colville , WA .
There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract.
She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she
started to climb the big tree. 

As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her "nether regions".

In considerable pain, she hurried to Mt. Carmel ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. 

She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau
of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area. I'm sorry, but they turned me down." 

*GOD BLESS AMERICA !*