Why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN:  The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it,
he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA:  The chicken crossed the road because it was time for
change!  The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN:  My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all
the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:  When I was First Lady, I personally helped that
little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely
qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this
country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really
isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH:  We don't really care why the chicken crossed the
road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or
not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground
here.

DICK CHENEY:  Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL:  Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see
the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON:  I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE:  I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY:  Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I
am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled
about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain
against it.

AL SHARPTON:  Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL:  The problem we have here is that this chicken won't
realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the
road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What
we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on
his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH:  Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems,
which is why he wants to cross this road so badly. So instead of having
the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life,
I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across
the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN:  We have reason to believe there is a chicken,
but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE:  That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You
can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:  To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:  No one called me to warn me which way that chicken
was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs
when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any
insider information.

DR. SEUSS:  Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:  To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL:  Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see
the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends,
That chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay
too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other
side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and
as simple as that.

GRANDPA:  In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:  Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will
be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of
how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it's
lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:  It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:  Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
together, in peace.

BILL GATES:  I have just released eChicken2010, which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet
Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2010.  This new platform is much more stable
and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:  Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the
road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS:  Did I miss one?