Never share a patrol car with anyone braver than you (especially BUDS drops who are waiting to return to BUDS but who are just passing time with the MP's)
Not wearing body armor attracts bullets and knives (And dishes, and psycho wives, and claw marks)
If your response goes well, you're at the wrong location
The watch commander or CDO or OOD will show up when you're doing something really stupid (or you'll do something really stupid BECAUSE they show up).
The time it takes to respond to an emergency is inversely proportional to the importance of the call.
The warrant you don't read is the one you'll serve at the wrong quarters.
No matter how you write it, the watch commander will want it changed.
If you charge in all alone, you'll be shot by your own officers.
The diversion you're ignoring is the actual crime.
The important things are always simple.
The simple things are always hard.
The easy ways are always blocked.
The short cuts are always under construction.
Anything you do can get you in trouble - including doing nothing.
When you've secured a crime scene, don't forget to tell the chain of command.
Using the siren and light to clear traffic - attracts traffic.
It only becomes a riot right after you show up.
If you take out the newest patrol car, you'll have an accident. (Boy can I vouch for this one...more than one time)
The thing you really need, will be left back at the MP Station.
Radios will fail as soon as you need back-up desperately (NO S****)
Flashlight batteries always die out, just when you really need light (NO F***ING KIDDING!)
Military working dogs attack anything that moves - including you (YES THEY DO!)
You'll find the suspect you want, when you're off-duty and unarmed (NO F***ING KIDDING!)
If you respond to more than your fair share of calls, you'll have more than your fair share of calls to respond to (NO F***ING KIDDING!)
The suspect will escape, just before you set up a good perimeter.
The dependent who screams loudly when you don't show up quickly, also screams loudly when you do.
The weight of the dead body you'll have to carry is proportional to the amount of stairs you'll have to climb.
Fatalities always occur at the end of shift - or when it rains and snows.
Your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
Contrary to popular belief - flag officers don't get tickets.
You won't get called to a court martial - unless it's your day off.
Empty guns - aren't.
Your two minute "back-up" is always actually ten minutes away.
The alley you sprint down, is the wrong alley.
Tasting suspected drugs works - but only on TV or in the movies.
Suspects always hide in the last place you look.
Better to be judged by twelve, than carried by six (Not so sure about this one......I might disagree depending on the situation)
Professional criminals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.
Don't stand, if you can sit - don't sit, if you can lay down - if you can lay down, you might as well take a nap.(just don't get caught....the barges at night are a good place for this on "foot patrol")
Contrary to popular belief the CO *IS* an area effect weapon
